My baby celebrated another birthday this week -- his 24th. And even though he's 6 feet tall and weighs 250 pounds, he'll always and forever be my little boy!
I find that birthdays seem more like the time to stop and take stock than New Year's. And even though my son continues to sail through his life with no real reflection ( that I can see, anyway), here I am once again, worrying about his future and what is in store for him. Always with the feeling that I haven't done enough, am not NOW doing enough, to secure a happy, productive and loving place for my boy in this world.
I know I'm not alone in this constant state of self-doubt. Reading the Facebook pages and blogs of other parents in the same position as I am shows me this is true. All parents have this concern, I think, but parents of kids with disabilities have it in spades. Does it ever end? So far, no end in sight.
I don't want to get into details. We all have our own personal "to do" lists we carry around with us. We have recently taken a tentative step towards getting him steady employment, so that's a good feeling. Hope it pans out. Getting him settled in a place of his own, with some degree of support, is my own personal #1 thing to do. It haunts me every day. Where will he live? Who will be there for him when I no longer can be?
Yeah, I'm a chipper person to be around on birthdays. Truthfully, I do enjoy them, and I always look with pride at my kids and what they've accomplished over a year's time. And with my daughter my thoughts aren't quite so desperate. She will figure things out. But Zac? I just don't know.
So here's to another year gone by. And here's to the year ahead. May we all find our way just a little bit further down that road of life, and all that it brings.
